Fear of Open Conflict
Since I started this Maladjusted Journey, I’ve taken a closer look at my relationship with white supremacy characteristics. As I’ve covered perfectionism, defensiveness, either/or thinking, and right to comfort, I’ve noticed that I keep thinking about the intersection of these characteristics and how powerful they are together. The temptation to deny, reject, and excuse away the history and built system around protecting white supremacy ideology to the point of masking it has been incredibly dangerous.
When I look at history I see patterns of the same type of characteristics used to uphold and protect the thought of supremacy. I often wondered why we can’t see to reckon with our full history and the full impact of that history. I wonder if a fear of open conflict, especially in combination with the other characteristics, is part of the reason we often fail at moving forward. For example, when it comes to dealing with race relations, racial color-blindness has been quite popular and you hear politicians and some companies push this narrative. You also hear people say, “I don’t see color.” Yet, when you look at research that studies this approach, it has been a failure. To quote one research from Current Directions in Psychological Science:
However, our review suggests that one conclusion is already clear: Shutting our eyes to the complexities of race does not make them disappear, but does make it harder to see that color blindness often creates more problems than it solves.
How can we solve a problem without seeing it? How can we address a problem without conflict? Conflict is not inherently evil and negative. Conflict can be liberating and healing. As Sarah Schulman said, “Conflict is not Abuse”.
What might the fear of open conflict look like?
● people in power are scared of expressed conflict and try to ignore it or run from it
● when someone raises an issue that causes discomfort, the response is to blame the person for raising the issue rather than to look at the issue which is actually causing the problem
● emphasis on being polite
● equating the raising of difficult issues with being impolite, rude, or out of line
Reflection questions and responses
a. What does this look like when you act with a fear of open conflict?
It is denial city for me. I will get hyper-rational and want to get skeptical with the conflict. I will tend to want to just shut down the conflict with reason and make it a short debate.
b. What feelings do you have when you act with a fear of open conflict?
If people get emotional, I get frustrated with the emotions. I can also get cynical and feel some anxiousness with the pending conflict.
c. What policies and/or practices does your work/organization reinforce or encourage fear of open conflict?
The more I think about the hierarchal system that exists, almost everywhere, the more I think it is meant to retain power at the top and prevent people from addressing issues at hand especially if the issues reside with the people at the top. The dust up at Basecamp is a prime example of this getting out of control.
d. What actions can you take to go from fear of open conflict to direct and constructive feedback/growth and learning?
I know that the fear of retaliation and losing one’s job looms very large and prevents some conflicts to be articulated. I’ve joined our employee union, and became a part of the negotiation team to work towards shifting the environment so that we can have a place that is open to growth and learning.
e. What benefits do you think you would get from applying more of the replacement characteristics?
I’m really hoping that a shift in the environment will give people the confidence and protection to be themselves so that we can work towards a public service that addresses key issues and close disparities in its service to the community.
Action Plan Statement
From now on when I feel the urge to act with fear of open conflict, I will work towards shifting the environment to be able to address issues because it provides me with confidence and protection to be myself. I will also support my work/organization fear of open conflict by addressing our hierarchical system that leads to fear of retaliation. When I do act with fear of open conflict, I will give myself some grace, acknowledge the impact I had on others, and engage in repair work by learning from my impact and addressing repair in a way that supports the other person.
