Perfectionism

What might this look like?
1. making a mistake is confused with being a mistake, doing wrong with being wrong.
2. little time, energy, or money put into reflection or identifying lessons learned that can improve practice, in other words little or no learning from mistakes.
3. often internally felt, in other words the perfectionist fails to appreciate their own good work, more often pointing out his faults or ‘failures,’ focusing on the inadequacies and mistakes rather than learning from them; the person works with a harsh and constant inner critic

My reflections

a. What does this look like when you act with perfectionism? — I’ve recently noticed, that I’ve had this notion of “do no harm” etched into my being and it is a reflection of perfectionism. To do equity work can inherently feel harmful because it reveals the impact we’ve had on others instead of the focus on the good or perfect intent of our actions.

b. What feelings do you have when you act with perfectionism? — It is so draining to try to be perfect. When I make a mistake I feel shame and deep anxiety about harm that I may have caused others.

c. What policies and/or practices does your work/organization hold that reinforce or encourage perfectionism? — When I think about our performance management system, I can see the reinforcement to be beyond perfect. To do your job well you can get a 2 out of 3, 3 being the best. To get a 3 you have to go beyond your job and really excel. It is rare to get a 3 and you have to “fight” to justify this rating.

d. What actions can you take to go from perfectionism to appreciation? — I want to take more time to see the learning and the good in my own and the actions of others. I want to celebrate the “small” victories more.

e. What benefits do you think you would get from applying more of the replacement characteristics? —When I have done this, I tend to see the relief in others and the gratitude of grace being felt. For myself, I feel like I can be human for once.

From now on when I feel the urge to act with perfectionism, I will take more time to see the learning and the good in my own and the actions of others. I want to celebrate the “small” victories more because it provides me with seeing the relief in others and the gratitude of grace being felt. I will also feel human for once. I will also support my work/organization to address perfectionism by addressing the performance management system. When I do act with perfectionism, I will give myself some grace, acknowledge the impact I had on others, and engage in repair work by addressing the impact, understanding what is needed for repair, take action of what I learned.