I’m the Only One part 3
I’ve been intrigued by this antidote to I’m the Only One: seek to understand all the ways we are informed by our dominant identities and how our membership in dominant identity groups informs us both overtly and covertly (while realizing too that these identities do not have to define us); understand how membership in a dominant group (the white group, the male group, the hetero group, the wealthy group) extends psychic, spiritual, and emotional benefits as well as material benefits;
As a male and one that has often been in leadership roles, I know that I have to have more awareness and understanding of sexism and misogyny. Over the last few years, I’ve really tried to understand, masculinity contest culture. In a Harvard Business Review article, the following characteristics are highly correlated with each other and organizational dysfunction.
“Show no weakness”: To me, this feels something that is taught to us so often and at an early age. I remember hearing praise for men that showed no weak emotions like crying, but praise for showing no pain and pushing through injuries. I remember never being lost, but just “exploring the area” because I couldn’t be wrong. I see and hear this all the time with leaders. We praise the ones that “stick to their opinions” even in the face of being incredibly wrong. We don’t praise someone for learning and evolving on issues, instead we say they are a DINO or RINO. This characteristic resonates with me and the “I’m the Only One” white supremacy characteristic. It is not a surprise that a white supremacy characteristic also fuels sexism.
“Strength and stamina”: This one is so complicated for me. I grew up hearing that I have to work twice as hard for half the rewards. So working long hours for me was and is a necessity. Yet, this is the story with many work environments where if you are willing to work more hours (without pay) you will get noticed and get opportunities to move up. I honestly believe the minute that I stop over working, the second I will hear questions about my work ethic, commitment to the organization, or concerns that there may be something wrong with me.
“Put work first”: Honestly, I feel like this is the characteristic that is in conflict with the notion that after the pandemic those that worked from home now have to work from the office. Despite the success that people had being able to work from home employers are mandating that people come back. You can read about Google and their situation with remote work. Simple put, for some people being able to work from home made work/life balance a possibility and the push to go back to imbalance and enhancing this aspect of masculinity contest culture.
“Dog eat dog”: Glengarry Glen Ross is what I always envision about this idiom. This cutthroat mentality fuels “I’m the Only One” and a toxic environment. Many people glorify winning at all cost. A focus on money also seems to drive this characteristic.
As a man, I can see how all of these characteristics were pushed on me and encouraged as a way of life. I also see how the opposite was said about women. A woman can only succeed by acting like a man and not with emotions. We say someone has to “have the balls” to make tough decisions. These characteristics of Masculinity Contest and White Supremacy pollute not just the work environment, but our very humanity.
