Defensiveness part 2

To continue the dive into defensiveness, I want to highlight one of the most common forms I encounter, the focus on intentions over impact. This is far and away the most challenging thing to deal with in the work place as a 6'3" Black man.

The number of times that I’ve tried to have open dialogue about a negative impact of “good intentioned racism” only to be shut down by “but you misunderstand my intent”, “I didn’t mean it that way”, or “What about…” is staggering. Time and time again people fail to realize that when they get defensive and start explaining away their intentions and behaviors they have co-opted the conversation and shifted the focus from the impact they had to center themselves and how they are a good person. By focusing on yourself and your good intentions, you downplay the impact and cause more harm in not keeping the attention on that harm done. In short, it is a way to avoid accountability.

I’m not immune to this type of behavior. For me, I’ve learned that when I get called out, I need to lean into a full acknowledgement of the harm done and focus on the repair that is needed. Sometimes that means I have to do my own work and not have the person I harmed teach me. Doubling down on harm can’t be an option.